What if...? - Media

Five Minute Bio

The 1960s saw JFK take a sniper's bullet, thousands of people wear flowers in their hair at Woodstock, and Neil Armstrong screw-up his speech but still mesmerize the world with his 'one small step'. In Yorkshire, England, however, Steve missed all this. He was way too busy learning to walk without falling over, to talk without babbling nonsense, and later being sent to bed early as it was school in the morning. Despite missing such era-defining moments, Steve enjoyed his childhood, even school, though obviously not the work element. This was in no small part due to his loving family which comprised of a woman as a mother, a man as a father, a little girl as a little sister, and a cat as a cat.

On completion of 17 years of education, the culmination of which was graduating from university with a degree in Philosophy, Steve went in search of that dream job with which he would make the very world tremble. And what an epic quest it was - seven long years passed but his goal remained ever elusive. The prospects were so few and far between Steve can count the job applications he completed on his fingers.

Luckily Steve does not get bored with his own company so despite those umpteen disappointments over those long, wilderness years, he struggled on knowing that one day his dream job would materialize… or the Unemployment Office would cut his benefits. During this time Steve let his creativity run rampant - he'd often spend eight hours or more a day playing guitar, or writing, or working on some wild idea that had appeared in a daydream. In effect, Steve didn't have time for a job as he was simply too busy living life the way it should be lived - following your passions.

But a life of honey and roses could never last forever and Steve was finally forced to enter the world of employment. Alas, no sooner had he spent two years working as a guitar salesman than the music store closed due to unforeseen circumstances - the owner received a demand for unpaid taxes.

Next, an opportunity presented itself for Steve to work in a university library. It was on the bottom wrung of the corporate ladder, but with over 1500 staff positions, it offered an immense opportunity for Steve to advance in both status and financial terms. Was this to be his calling? A house, a career, a future beckoned…

Unfortunately, lending books proved so hellishly demanding that Steve could only manage a 3.5 hour working day. As luck would have it, 3.5 hours was approximately the time Steve would often spend lounging in bed of a morning so, in effect, he lost none of his waking hours by committing to such a torturous regimen. A short working day also left him plenty of time to pursue his true passions - writing this book being amongst them. Despite such a demanding work schedule, Steve battled on in the library for over a decade. However, his straight talking nature in the face of that confounding world of 'management decisions' wasn't as endearing to his superiors as one would imagine, so strangely his dedication went largely unrecognized: he never made employee of the month; he never received any promotion; he was often reprimanded.

During all these years of hard fortune, with few hours and a low pay rate leaving him languishing below the official poverty level, Steve never lost his focus - Friday nights out with his friends were paramount whilst fashions, material possessions, and a decent diet were all of secondary importance. Money was merely a tool with which to buy things and the one thing it couldn't buy was the one thing Steve's job gave him in abundance - time. And as if that wasn't benefit enough, his hardships transformed him into something of a pioneer - an early eco-warrior: putting on a sweater not the heating; buying of necessity not on impulse; eating out of hunger not boredom. And a frugal lifestyle meant 'luxuries' were sometimes within reach!

Whilst on a cheap holiday to Spain with friends in the mid 90s, Steve met a Polish woman, Ania, who was hitch-hiking around Europe. Steve wooed her with his intellect, his charisma, and above all, his sense of 'humour'. Luckily Ania's level of English was so rudimentary she was oblivious to how truly dreadful Steve's jokes were so she simply smiled when Steve smiled and laughed when Steve laughed, so unknowingly employing a technique which can endear any woman to any man.

Had the world heeded IBM's 1940s prediction that it may one day need as many as five computers, Steve's long-distance romance would have died, but a new-fangled invention - email - allowed it to blossom.

Imprisoned within the Eastern Bloc, where bread queues and tanks on street corners to enforce curfews were commonplace, Polish people believed England's roads to be paved with gold, each one leading to a land of dreams, plenty, and opportunity. Upon Ania visiting England, Steve's penthouse flat, executive position, and sky-high potential for career advancement conjured only one thought: yes, some people really did live the dream!

Poland was not a member of the European Union at this time, so Ania couldn't work in England. Lucky Steve was pulling in such a huge wage to be able to support them both then.

Ania did not run screaming. She stayed. Learned English. Carved a career.

Today, despite having a higher standard of living, Steve still loves cheap junk food, hates fashion, and eschews the trappings of the 21st century - he doesn't even own a mobile phone and 'What if…?' was written on a computer with a Pentium I chip (1990s technology)! And despite having a 'good woman' behind him now, he is still as interested in career advancement as he ever was - he regularly scours the internet for software to further automate his 3.5 hours of library work so freeing up as much time as possible for his most demanding duties: long coffee breaks, personal emails, chatting, daydreaming…

Apart from his love of writing, he is an accomplished guitarist, martial artist, and scuba diver, though he has yet to try all four at the same time.

Ania works with people with special needs. She is very, very patient.